why is it not happening?, Someone else's rant Options

[shiftyrussian]

Hey, what's been happening? I haven't written anything for a while (have a couple of things half baked). Anyway, came across this epic rant/inspiration note and thought it was worthwhile sharing.
Source: http://uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45214
By "thefool"

Why is it not happening?

Ok i decided to write a little something here, not sure if it's really related to relationships, but then I'm not sure where it would best fit, so I put it here since I post most here.

So...

Everyone has things that they want, out of life, relationships, work maybe, and often times those things don't really happen, and we end up just 'settling' for something else, something 'less'. It's this nagging feeling like somehow we could be 'more', we could do more, we could be happier, more fulfilled, better.

For the longest time, and in a lot of ways still, I've looked at my life and I've always had the same conclusion... This is only a fraction of what I 'could' do. I can do more than this. I can be better at all these various things. I truly believe 100% that I can do better... and yet it's not happening, why is that?

You know, let's use some examples here...

Maybe you said at some point... you know what? I'm sick of always feeling like this little weird tension, this moment of awkwardness whenever I talk to someone I don't know. I'm sick of this little weird vibe. And maybe, it's actually not that bad, because you've worked at your job for a while now, you 'met' everyone there, so you're past that, and you've met your neighbours, and you have your social circle, so for most part you're not IN that situation much anymore, so you might say "It's fine, I'm fine"... but then there's always those situations where you need to mingle with some people you don't know, and then there's that feeling. So you might work at it for a while, and arrive at a point where you can pretty much talk to anyone, randomly, and it feels alright... so you're happy, you think, yeah i'm good, this is as far as i need to go.

But then you run into situations where the pressure is on... Maybe it's a job interview for a high profile job, or you just need to go into a bunch of people who don't necesarily want you there, and you need to make good anyways... and that's when it gets weird again, and you just feel like you've made NO PROGRESS whatsoever, you're back at where you were before you started this, and it feels defeating, because deep down nothing changed...

What did you REALLY do here?

What you did was expand your comfort zone just a 'tad'. Like when you're afraid of water, and you managed to dip your toes into the pool, or take a shower without freaking out, and you go "YEAH!!! I GOT IT! THATS IT! All done! I now no longer fear water! Right then, let's go back to staying away from water now!"... and then someone just throws you into the pool, with no life guard near, and no swimming aids, and you FREAK OUT.

Like you just went ONE STEP further, and you made it, and you went like "yeah i made it!". What you did was do the minimal amount of effort to get the smallest possible victory and then you CRAWLED BACK into your comfort zone, and just made believe that your work was done. You didn't do 'your best', you didn't 'go all the way', you just did the minimal amount of effort so you could go back to just, you know, every day life, and what you're used to. The safe place. Maybe someone even told you "this is just the beginning..." but you went like... "nah, nah that's ok, I can 'touch' water, it's fine, I don't NEED to swim, why would I? I don't even like it!"... Don't you really? Are you sure? Maybe if you were completely free of this irrational fear of water, you might actually find that you LOVE swimming, and start doing it weekly, maybe even every other day, and increase your health while you're at it... Maybe your life woul dhave been different in that way, but you'll never know... you'll always wonder... you'll never be 'complete'. Now a lot of people actually feel, deep down, "I want to swim", but they make excuses, SO MANY excuses, that they just believe 'this is good enough, I'm fine'.

But you're not, and you never will be, not until you're swimming!

What it comes down to is simply this...

MOST PEOPLE DO NOT TRULY WANT TO LIVE.

Ok that might sound weird, like everyone is suicidal or something, but the point is that most people simply want to 'get away' with living, with 'getting by', with 'good enough'.

It's like, you have all these really creative ideas in your mind, about what you could be, who you could be, what you could do, could be anything... and then you go "well.... that's for OTHER people, I could never do that! But hey, maybe I'll fantesize about it now and again, and i'll laugh about it with friends you know, like hahaha, wouldn't it be great if we could all do XYZ?! And they'll all laugh, hahahaha, yeah, it would, to bad that's completely unrealistic!"... and then some random guy walk by who actually DOES IT, you know, he doesn't think about it, isn't even aware it's ever a problem for anyone, and he just does it. Those guys who were all laughing, they see it happening and they just go like "uuuuh, yahyah, he's 'special', he's got some funky powers that no one else has... he found like a little book somewhere under an old cupboard in which pages was written 'the secret to XYZ'".... It's NOT cause we never really tried, oh no, we tried, EVERYTHIG, yes we did, we tipped our toe into the water, and it was COLD, so... yeah... we're good.

Why would you follow any of these ideas in your head you know? Maybe you want to move to some developing nation and start a housing project there, and maybe you want to be like a really good person, with all these qualities and strangth like leadership, the ability to inspire others, etc...

But then instead of doing that, you work at some random clothing store, and you're just some random person, like we've got 12 in every dozen. And you're thinking something like... yeah it's allright, I have nice collegues there, and I don't mind the work, I meet people, it's not hard work, and the pay is alright... i got like this little appartment, and this car, and all this stuff... I'm happy!

Of course you are... And you're lifelong ambition was to work at that clothing store, be some random person, and lead some xerox copy life of everyone elses, right? Yeah right....

Why aren't you in some develping nation? Why aren't you building those housing projects, leading people, inspiring them to go that extra mile, do that extra bit of work, inspire them to BECOME something more than they are?

Really, just think about it and list the reason why you are not doing that... Write them down. Then look over your list again and scratch out everything that is an excuse! Hell have someone who isn't biased scratch off all the excuses if you don't trust yourself to do it.

See what you got left that are actual reason, and then see how many of those have easy, or very manageable solutions.

I will bet you my left nut, that it's very very POSSIBLE...

Maybe you'll end up with a list and you'll look over it and see that to get everything prepped, you'll need like 3-4 years of being busy with it, of putting time into it, not all your time, but just part of it (maybe you could work part time instead, and use that free time for it).

Ok 3-4 years.... TO FULFILL YOUR LIFETIME AMBITION... Wauw that's like... a really big deal huh? 3-4 years, that's like a long time... you know, as opposed to 30-40 years of doing something you DON'T really want to do, that DOESN'T really satisfy you, that doesn't get you closer to what you REALLY want to do, or to the person you REALLY want to be.

So it's possible... and still, it's not happening... So what's really stopping you?

Well... you are. You are NOT simply 'doing it'... maybe there was some point in your life where you said "I'm GOING TO do it", but then you never did, and now it's just become this fantasy, it's outside of your reality. Or maybe you're still in that phase, and you're still waiting for that time when you're 'going to' start doing it.

Well, what's wrong with now? You know what's wrong with surfing to google right now and getting some basic information, even if it's just about the culture of the country you 'might' be going to. You know, just whatever, small chunks. Any problem consist of small individual problems. Like i need to get up and run 50 miles right now. Alright well, that seems like a lot, but really all you got to do right now, is get up and put on your trainers, and your running shoes, and then you need to step outside and run down the street, and then the next street, and the street after that.

And when you do it like this, you'll see that first you're resisting, so you small chunk the problem, I'll run a little, and then I'll run a little more, and then some more... and then when you get half way, you'll feel like, you gotten too far to turn around now, and then when you get closer to your target of 50 miles, you'll be going like wauw, well, that wasn't actually THAT bad, I actually feel like i could do some more... so you do some more, walk the extra mile, and once you're past 50 it'll just be a matter of "let's see how much more i can go?!"... You already accomplished your goal, now you're just doing it cause you want to, cause it feels good, because you're in a heightened state brought on by pushing through barriers. In all likeliness you'll run 10 more miles by the time you're done.

You come home, you feel awesome! And you got it DONE.

People talk about all these 'qualities' that others have, that maybe they want to have, but can't seem to get down...

Like 'determination' and 'drive', and it's like they're these mystical qualities you know, like you need to be born with them or something.

What are those thing really? Well drive is just drive, it's just the will to do something, you alreayd have that! You want to run 50 miles, you WANT to do it, it's just that "this and that excuse". Determination... what is that? It's just doing it, it's small chunking the bigger problem, deviding it up, and then doing it, one after another.

Succes... What is it, how do you get it?

I see all these people and they're going like "I'm very succesfull"... because they have like what everyone else has. Some random job, with 'advancement oppertunities', and some random car that costs just a little bit more than you can afford, same deal on the house/app, and you got all these clothes, and your parents are still together, and you know the difference between cheap and expensive champaign, and maybe write a poem or two...

And then they go on to like... build this whole 'ego' about it... Yeah I'm quite the shyt you see, and I DESERVE this and those things, because I'm quite the shyt you see!

And then those things don't come to them... the things they really want... and they get bitter; negative, and get tantrums like "I DON'T NEED THIS... what is this shyt? I work hard, I got the stuff, I put my two cents in, what is this shyt?!"

Truth is, you didn't do anything... you knew in your head what you needed to do, and then went like "that's not for me...", and you just did something else, what everyone else is doing, cause that's where it's really at, that's realistic, that's "real life". So you wanted to build a house of cards, and went out to accomplish that by shuffling cards, and dealing them out to other people who are building houses of cards... cause that's where it's at, deal the cards, that's realistic man, that's SUCCES, that's life.

40 years later and you're still dealing cards, and you're thinking "where's MY hous eof cards?! Where is it? I did all the things, followed all the steps, now where IS IT?! Gimmy! I DESERVE IT"

Where is it? You gave up on it. You had your deck of cards, ready to build, but you just started dealing them around instead, cause that was easy, that was what you could do right off the bat.

So how do you make it happen?

How do you go from, this niche little world... this prefabricated reality that nearly everyone is living in, to actually doing that stuff you feel you need to do... you know like, that stuff where you go "wouldn't it be awesome if...." and then finish that line "Yeah, haha, a person can dream right?".

How do you do it?

Well you do it, one step at a time, and you're either DOING IT, or it's just not going to happen... if you're 'going to' do it, then you aren't doing it, and it's not going to happen. If you're 'doing something else first', something totally unrelated, then you're not doing it, and it's not going to happen.

This is just basic logic. If you want the breadcrumbs off the table, then you whipe them off... There's no alternative for it. They wont disappear, they wont go away by doing it 'later', they're just going to stay there until you whipe them off. If you never whipe them off then you eat at a filthy table for the rest of your life.

And you feel that's ok, you know, not the end of the world, it's a filthy table... but every time you eat at it, it's going to nagg at you... ugh this table is filthy, I 'should' clean it...


Well since this is a relationship forum... Let's use a practicle relationships example.

Let's of people out there are lonely, for whatever reason, they suck at dating, they suck at interacting with the opposite sex, or they constantly end up in 'bad' relationships.

Bad luck?

Not sure If i'm ready to start believeing in luck, good or bad. It's a problem none the less, and there's really only two things you can do...

A) you decide it's 'fine', leave things as they are, hope for the future, and slowly turn bitter and resentful until you've ruined all chances, and lost all hope and just 'give up'.

B) You work the problem, you walk the steps, you learn the process, and progress to ultimately where you want to be.... In bed, or at the fire place with your lovely partner, or your latest ONS, or whatever.

What does working the problem mean?

It means learning something you didn't previously have capability in. It means getting 'good' at something you were 'bad' at. Ok, very simple, like swimming, driving a car, handling money, learning how to add, substract, multiply and devide... learning how to WALK. Remember you didn't know how to do all these things at some point and you learned them anyways. It's nothing new, it's just different.

It means that you're going to have to get out there, and practice. Read a few books maybe, get informed, and then practice. Guys, get out there approach women, learn what makes them tick, do it over and over, until it comes naturally to you. You walk into a shop, there's a cute little store clerk and the next thing you know, you got a date when she gets off, or you got her number, and you didn't even TRY, it just happened. That's where you want to be at when you want to 'solve' this problem. Girls, pretty much the same deal, you get out there, and you meet men, learn how they work, what makes them tick... do it until you're just standing there, in a store, doing your days work, and some guys comes up to you and start talking and walks off with your number or asks you out on a date.

Ok the dynamics are somewhat different, but on the overall it's the same problem in a slightly different dress. Women, learn how to 'be attractive', and men learn how to 'attract'... ok action and reaction.

Being afraid of your own potency...

See this is something a lot of people have, and probably aren't even aware of it. We think that we're afraid to fail, that we're afraid we wont be able to 'hack it', that we'll try something and it will blow up in our faces... But what we're mostly afraid of, is that it will WORK...

This is something I see a lot in guys. They want to get better with women, so they go through the steps, they get some advice, they get informed, and then they 'try it'... but they're really expecting things to 'go bad'... and then it actually works at some point, and boom, they IMIDIATLY screw it up...

Why? They knew what to do, but they bailed out because they couldn't handle the 'pressure'... What pressure? ITS WORKING GO GO GO. But they don't, they need to bail out for some reason. Why? They're afraid of their own potency, of their succes.

They'll walk upto some girl they don't actually believe they could have a chance with, and she goes like "Awww you're SO cute, I'm gonna make out with you"... boom, and it's ON... and then they just 'freeze up'. You know, they DON'T take her out of there, they DON'T take her home... they just 'stop', they break it off, and they go like "Uh, uhm yeah, so you want a drink or something?". Of course, they go get a drink, the girl is GONE, you know, some other dude took her home because really she was there to hook up, not to bullshyt around.

Or some guy will get an awesome business deal, way over what he's used to, million dollar deal... and he'll start freaking out. What if i screw this up? OMG that would be horrible, Am i really really ready for this? This is unlike anything I've ever done before!! Before you know it they start pulling out of it, they start pulling up walls, planning for every contingiency, freeze up, refuse to take even the slightest risk... And that deal just goes to someone else.

I seen this happen, and I'll go like "Why didn't you take the deal, why didn't you go for it"... and they'll be like "awww I dno it's just that what if, this and that, you know things can go wrong here and there"... Yeah well they ALWAYS CAN. You give some kind 5 bucks to go fetch you a newpaper and he takes off, yeah it can happen... this is always a factor 24/7. What if? Wtf? What if someone chopped off your penis and tossed it out the window of a moving train?!

Fear of your own potential, of your own power...

Because human beings, have a lot of power.

You might decide today that you're going to go live in another country, like the bahama's, so you get a plane ticket, and tomorrow you might actually be there... NOW WHAT?! You did it, you're there... step one *completed*... NOW WHAT?!

Most people when they get an idea like this... they stop right there, at the "now what?", and they forget about it, don't even try... crackpipe dream, let it go... back to the office!

Unplug, and think... use your brain. What's REALLY stopping you? Is it that it's impossible? Or is it that you FEAR taking any number of the steps involved? And what is it that you REALLY fear?

Over half a decade ago, I asked myself this question, because there were things I wanted. I was in a situation that was... 'bad'... and i wanted out of it, but everywhere I looked, all 'possible' solutions seemed to suggest that this bad situation was all there was.

It was gnawing at my soul, every day. I wanted to get out. And then I thought... well... I've thought about everything that I seem to believe is 'possible', so what if i look at things I feel are 'impossible'. So i did, I looked at things I thought were impossible, and I saw that other <textarea name="Post" class="rte-iframe" id="ed-0_textarea" rows="10" cols="60" style="width:98%; height:250px" tabindex="5">Hey, what's been happening? I haven't written anything for a while (have a couple of things half baked). Anyway, came across this epic rant/inspiration note and thought it was worthwhile sharing.
Source: http://uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45214
[quote="The Fool"]Why is it not happening?

Ok i decided to write a little something here, not sure if it's really related to relationships, but then I'm not sure where it would best fit, so I put it here since I post most here.

So...

Everyone has things that they want, out of life, relationships, work maybe, and often times those things don't really happen, and we end up just 'settling' for something else, something 'less'. It's this nagging feeling like somehow we could be 'more', we could do more, we could be happier, more fulfilled, better.

For the longest time, and in a lot of ways still, I've looked at my life and I've always had the same conclusion... This is only a fraction of what I 'could' do. I can do more than this. I can be better at all these various things. I truly believe 100% that I can do better... and yet it's not happening, why is that?

You know, let's use some examples here...

Maybe you said at some point... you know what? I'm sick of always feeling like this little weird tension, this moment of awkwardness whenever I talk to someone I don't know. I'm sick of this little weird vibe. And maybe, it's actually not that bad, because you've worked at your job for a while now, you 'met' everyone there, so you're past that, and you've met your neighbours, and you have your social circle, so for most part you're not IN that situation much anymore, so you might say "It's fine, I'm fine"... but then there's always those situations where you need to mingle with some people you don't know, and then there's that feeling. So you might work at it for a while, and arrive at a point where you can pretty much talk to anyone, randomly, and it feels alright... so you're happy, you think, yeah i'm good, this is as far as i need to go.

But then you run into situations where the pressure is on... Maybe it's a job interview for a high profile job, or you just need to go into a bunch of people who don't necesarily want you there, and you need to make good anyways... and that's when it gets weird again, and you just feel like you've made NO PROGRESS whatsoever, you're back at where you were before you started this, and it feels defeating, because deep down nothing changed...

What did you REALLY do here?

What you did was expand your comfort zone just a 'tad'. Like when you're afraid of water, and you managed to dip your toes into the pool, or take a shower without freaking out, and you go "YEAH!!! I GOT IT! THATS IT! All done! I now no longer fear water! Right then, let's go back to staying away from water now!"... and then someone just throws you into the pool, with no life guard near, and no swimming aids, and you FREAK OUT.

Like you just went ONE STEP further, and you made it, and you went like "yeah i made it!". What you did was do the minimal amount of effort to get the smallest possible victory and then you CRAWLED BACK into your comfort zone, and just made believe that your work was done. You didn't do 'your best', you didn't 'go all the way', you just did the minimal amount of effort so you could go back to just, you know, every day life, and what you're used to. The safe place. Maybe someone even told you "this is just the beginning..." but you went like... "nah, nah that's ok, I can 'touch' water, it's fine, I don't NEED to swim, why would I? I don't even like it!"... Don't you really? Are you sure? Maybe if you were completely free of this irrational fear of water, you might actually find that you LOVE swimming, and start doing it weekly, maybe even every other day, and increase your health while you're at it... Maybe your life woul dhave been different in that way, but you'll never know... you'll always wonder... you'll never be 'complete'. Now a lot of people actually feel, deep down, "I want to swim", but they make excuses, SO MANY excuses, that they just believe 'this is good enough, I'm fine'.

But you're not, and you never will be, not until you're swimming!

What it comes down to is simply this...

MOST PEOPLE DO NOT TRULY WANT TO LIVE.

Ok that might sound weird, like everyone is suicidal or something, but the point is that most people simply want to 'get away' with living, with 'getting by', with 'good enough'.

It's like, you have all these really creative ideas in your mind, about what you could be, who you could be, what you could do, could be anything... and then you go "well.... that's for OTHER people, I could never do that! But hey, maybe I'll fantesize about it now and again, and i'll laugh about it with friends you know, like hahaha, wouldn't it be great if we could all do XYZ?! And they'll all laugh, hahahaha, yeah, it would, to bad that's completely unrealistic!"... and then some random guy walk by who actually DOES IT, you know, he doesn't think about it, isn't even aware it's ever a problem for anyone, and he just does it. Those guys who were all laughing, they see it happening and they just go like "uuuuh, yahyah, he's 'special', he's got some funky powers that no one else has... he found like a little book somewhere under an old cupboard in which pages was written 'the secret to XYZ'".... It's NOT cause we never really tried, oh no, we tried, EVERYTHIG, yes we did, we tipped our toe into the water, and it was COLD, so... yeah... we're good.

Why would you follow any of these ideas in your head you know? Maybe you want to move to some developing nation and start a housing project there, and maybe you want to be like a really good person, with all these qualities and strangth like leadership, the ability to inspire others, etc...

But then instead of doing that, you work at some random clothing store, and you're just some random person, like we've got 12 in every dozen. And you're thinking something like... yeah it's allright, I have nice collegues there, and I don't mind the work, I meet people, it's not hard work, and the pay is alright... i got like this little appartment, and this car, and all this stuff... I'm happy!

Of course you are... And you're lifelong ambition was to work at that clothing store, be some random person, and lead some xerox copy life of everyone elses, right? Yeah right....

Why aren't you in some develping nation? Why aren't you building those housing projects, leading people, inspiring them to go that extra mile, do that extra bit of work, inspire them to BECOME something more than they are?

Really, just think about it and list the reason why you are not doing that... Write them down. Then look over your list again and scratch out everything that is an excuse! Hell have someone who isn't biased scratch off all the excuses if you don't trust yourself to do it.

See what you got left that are actual reason, and then see how many of those have easy, or very manageable solutions.

I will bet you my left nut, that it's very very POSSIBLE...

Maybe you'll end up with a list and you'll look over it and see that to get everything prepped, you'll need like 3-4 years of being busy with it, of putting time into it, not all your time, but just part of it (maybe you could work part time instead, and use that free time for it).

Ok 3-4 years.... TO FULFILL YOUR LIFETIME AMBITION... Wauw that's like... a really big deal huh? 3-4 years, that's like a long time... you know, as opposed to 30-40 years of doing something you DON'T really want to do, that DOESN'T really satisfy you, that doesn't get you closer to what you REALLY want to do, or to the person you REALLY want to be.

So it's possible... and still, it's not happening... So what's really stopping you?

Well... you are. You are NOT simply 'doing it'... maybe there was some point in your life where you said "I'm GOING TO do it", but then you never did, and now it's just become this fantasy, it's outside of your reality. Or maybe you're still in that phase, and you're still waiting for that time when you're 'going to' start doing it.

Well, what's wrong with now? You know what's wrong with surfing to google right now and getting some basic information, even if it's just about the culture of the country you 'might' be going to. You know, just whatever, small chunks. Any problem consist of small individual problems. Like i need to get up and run 50 miles right now. Alright well, that seems like a lot, but really all you got to do right now, is get up and put on your trainers, and your running shoes, and then you need to step outside and run down the street, and then the next street, and the street after that.

And when you do it like this, you'll see that first you're resisting, so you small chunk the problem, I'll run a little, and then I'll run a little more, and then some more... and then when you get half way, you'll feel like, you gotten too far to turn around now, and then when you get closer to your target of 50 miles, you'll be going like wauw, well, that wasn't actually THAT bad, I actually feel like i could do some more... so you do some more, walk the extra mile, and once you're past 50 it'll just be a matter of "let's see how much more i can go?!"... You already accomplished your goal, now you're just doing it cause you want to, cause it feels good, because you're in a heightened state brought on by pushing through barriers. In all likeliness you'll run 10 more miles by the time you're done.

You come home, you feel awesome! And you got it DONE.

People talk about all these 'qualities' that others have, that maybe they want to have, but can't seem to get down...

Like 'determination' and 'drive', and it's like they're these mystical qualities you know, like you need to be born with them or something.

What are those thing really? Well drive is just drive, it's just the will to do something, you alreayd have that! You want to run 50 miles, you WANT to do it, it's just that "this and that excuse". Determination... what is that? It's just doing it, it's small chunking the bigger problem, deviding it up, and then doing it, one after another.

Succes... What is it, how do you get it?

I see all these people and they're going like "I'm very succesfull"... because they have like what everyone else has. Some random job, with 'advancement oppertunities', and some random car that costs just a little bit more than you can afford, same deal on the house/app, and you got all these clothes, and your parents are still together, and you know the difference between cheap and expensive champaign, and maybe write a poem or two...

And then they go on to like... build this whole 'ego' about it... Yeah I'm quite the shyt you see, and I DESERVE this and those things, because I'm quite the shyt you see!

And then those things don't come to them... the things they really want... and they get bitter; negative, and get tantrums like "I DON'T NEED THIS... what is this shyt? I work hard, I got the stuff, I put my two cents in, what is this shyt?!"

Truth is, you didn't do anything... you knew in your head what you needed to do, and then went like "that's not for me...", and you just did something else, what everyone else is doing, cause that's where it's really at, that's realistic, that's "real life". So you wanted to build a house of cards, and went out to accomplish that by shuffling cards, and dealing them out to other people who are building houses of cards... cause that's where it's at, deal the cards, that's realistic man, that's SUCCES, that's life.

40 years later and you're still dealing cards, and you're thinking "where's MY hous eof cards?! Where is it? I did all the things, followed all the steps, now where IS IT?! Gimmy! I DESERVE IT"

Where is it? You gave up on it. You had your deck of cards, ready to build, but you just started dealing them around instead, cause that was easy, that was what you could do right off the bat.

So how do you make it happen?

How do you go from, this niche little world... this prefabricated reality that nearly everyone is living in, to actually doing that stuff you feel you need to do... you know like, that stuff where you go "wouldn't it be awesome if...." and then finish that line "Yeah, haha, a person can dream right?".

How do you do it?

Well you do it, one step at a time, and you're either DOING IT, or it's just not going to happen... if you're 'going to' do it, then you aren't doing it, and it's not going to happen. If you're 'doing something else first', something totally unrelated, then you're not doing it, and it's not going to happen.

This is just basic logic. If you want the breadcrumbs off the table, then you whipe them off... There's no alternative for it. They wont disappear, they wont go away by doing it 'later', they're just going to stay there until you whipe them off. If you never whipe them off then you eat at a filthy table for the rest of your life.

And you feel that's ok, you know, not the end of the world, it's a filthy table... but every time you eat at it, it's going to nagg at you... ugh this table is filthy, I 'should' clean it...


Well since this is a relationship forum... Let's use a practicle relationships example.

Let's of people out there are lonely, for whatever reason, they suck at dating, they suck at interacting with the opposite sex, or they constantly end up in 'bad' relationships.

Bad luck?

Not sure If i'm ready to start believeing in luck, good or bad. It's a problem none the less, and there's really only two things you can do...

A) you decide it's 'fine', leave things as they are, hope for the future, and slowly turn bitter and resentful until you've ruined all chances, and lost all hope and just 'give up'.

B) You work the problem, you walk the steps, you learn the process, and progress to ultimately where you want to be.... In bed, or at the fire place with your lovely partner, or your latest ONS, or whatever.

What does working the problem mean?

It means learning something you didn't previously have capability in. It means getting 'good' at something you were 'bad' at. Ok, very simple, like swimming, driving a car, handling money, learning how to add, substract, multiply and devide... learning how to WALK. Remember you didn't know how to do all these things at some point and you learned them anyways. It's nothing new, it's just different.

It means that you're going to have to get out there, and practice. Read a few books maybe, get informed, and then practice. Guys, get out there approach women, learn what makes them tick, do it over and over, until it comes naturally to you. You walk into a shop, there's a cute little store clerk and the next thing you know, you got a date when she gets off, or you got her number, and you didn't even TRY, it just happened. That's where you want to be at when you want to 'solve' this problem. Girls, pretty much the same deal, you get out there, and you meet men, learn how they work, what makes them tick... do it until you're just standing there, in a store, doing your days work, and some guys comes up to you and start talking and walks off with your number or asks you out on a date.

Ok the dynamics are somewhat different, but on the overall it's the same problem in a slightly different dress. Women, learn how to 'be attractive', and men learn how to 'attract'... ok action and reaction.

Being afraid of your own potency...

See this is something a lot of people have, and probably aren't even aware of it. We think that we're afraid to fail, that we're afraid we wont be able to 'hack it', that we'll try something and it will blow up in our faces... But what we're mostly afraid of, is that it will WORK...

This is something I see a lot in guys. They want to get better with women, so they go through the steps, they get some advice, they get informed, and then they 'try it'... but they're really expecting things to 'go bad'... and then it actually works at some point, and boom, they IMIDIATLY screw it up...

Why? They knew what to do, but they bailed out because they couldn't handle the 'pressure'... What pressure? ITS WORKING GO GO GO. But they don't, they need to bail out for some reason. Why? They're afraid of their own potency, of their succes.

They'll walk upto some girl they don't actually believe they could have a chance with, and she goes like "Awww you're SO cute, I'm gonna make out with you"... boom, and it's ON... and then they just 'freeze up'. You know, they DON'T take her out of there, they DON'T take her home... they just 'stop', they break it off, and they go like "Uh, uhm yeah, so you want a drink or something?". Of course, they go get a drink, the girl is GONE, you know, some other dude took her home because really she was there to hook up, not to bullshyt around.

Or some guy will get an awesome business deal, wa<textarea name="Post" class="rte-iframe" id="ed-0_textarea" rows="10" cols="60" style="width:98%; height:250px" tabindex="5">Hey, what's been happening? I haven't written anything for a while (have a couple of things half baked). Anyway, came across this epic rant/inspiration note and thought it was worthwhile sharing.
Source: http://uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45214
[quote="The Fool"]Why is it not happening?

Ok i decided to write a little something here, not sure if it's really related to relationships, but then I'm not sure where it would best fit, so I put it here since I post most here.

So...

Everyone has things that they want, out of life, relationships, work maybe, and often times those things don't really happen, and we end up just 'settling' for something else, something 'less'. It's this nagging feeling like somehow we could be 'more', we could do more, we could be happier, more fulfilled, better.

For the longest time, and in a lot of ways still, I've looked at my life and I've always had the same conclusion... This is only a fraction of what I 'could' do. I can do more than this. I can be better at all these various things. I truly believe 100% that I can do better... and yet it's not happening, why is that?

You know, let's use some examples here...

Maybe you said at some point... you know what? I'm sick of always feeling like this little weird tension, this moment of awkwardness whenever I talk to someone I don't know. I'm sick of this little weird vibe. And maybe, it's actually not that bad, because you've worked at your job for a while now, you 'met' everyone there, so you're past that, and you've met your neighbours, and you have your social circle, so for most part you're not IN that situation much anymore, so you might say "It's fine, I'm fine"... but then there's always those situations where you need to mingle with some people you don't know, and then there's that feeling. So you might work at it for a while, and arrive at a point where you can pretty much talk to anyone, randomly, and it feels alright... so you're happy, you think, yeah i'm good, this is as far as i need to go.

But then you run into situations where the pressure is on... Maybe it's a job interview for a high profile job, or you just need to go into a bunch of people who don't necesarily want you there, and you need to make good anyways... and that's when it gets weird again, and you just feel like you've made NO PROGRESS whatsoever, you're back at where you were before you started this, and it feels defeating, because deep down nothing changed...

What did you REALLY do here?

What you did was expand your comfort zone just a 'tad'. Like when you're afraid of water, and you managed to dip your toes into the pool, or take a shower without freaking out, and you go "YEAH!!! I GOT IT! THATS IT! All done! I now no longer fear water! Right then, let's go back to staying away from water now!"... and then someone just throws you into the pool, with no life guard near, and no swimming aids, and you FREAK OUT.

Like you just went ONE STEP further, and you made it, and you went like "yeah i made it!". What you did was do the minimal amount of effort to get the smallest possible victory and then you CRAWLED BACK into your comfort zone, and just made believe that your work was done. You didn't do 'your best', you didn't 'go all the way', you just did the minimal amount of effort so you could go back to just, you know, every day life, and what you're used to. The safe place. Maybe someone even told you "this is just the beginning..." but you went like... "nah, nah that's ok, I can 'touch' water, it's fine, I don't NEED to swim, why would I? I don't even like it!"... Don't you really? Are you sure? Maybe if you were completely free of this irrational fear of water, you might actually find that you LOVE swimming, and start doing it weekly, maybe even every other day, and increase your health while you're at it... Maybe your life woul dhave been different in that way, but you'll never know... you'll always wonder... you'll never be 'complete'. Now a lot of people actually feel, deep down, "I want to swim", but they make excuses, SO MANY excuses, that they just believe 'this is good enough, I'm fine'.

But you're not, and you never will be, not until you're swimming!

What it comes down to is simply this...

MOST PEOPLE DO NOT TRULY WANT TO LIVE.

Ok that might sound weird, like everyone is suicidal or something, but the point is that most people simply want to 'get away' with living, with 'getting by', with 'good enough'.

It's like, you have all these really creative ideas in your mind, about what you could be, who you could be, what you could do, could be anything... and then you go "well.... that's for OTHER people, I could never do that! But hey, maybe I'll fantesize about it now and again, and i'll laugh about it with friends you know, like hahaha, wouldn't it be great if we could all do XYZ?! And they'll all laugh, hahahaha, yeah, it would, to bad that's completely unrealistic!"... and then some random guy walk by who actually DOES IT, you know, he doesn't think about it, isn't even aware it's ever a problem for anyone, and he just does it. Those guys who were all laughing, they see it happening and they just go like "uuuuh, yahyah, he's 'special', he's got some funky powers that no one else has... he found like a little book somewhere under an old cupboard in which pages was written 'the secret to XYZ'".... It's NOT cause we never really tried, oh no, we tried, EVERYTHIG, yes we did, we tipped our toe into the water, and it was COLD, so... yeah... we're good.

Why would you follow any of these ideas in your head you know? Maybe you want to move to some developing nation and start a housing project there, and maybe you want to be like a really good person, with all these qualities and strangth like leadership, the ability to inspire others, etc...

But then instead of doing that, you work at some random clothing store, and you're just some random person, like we've got 12 in every dozen. And you're thinking something like... yeah it's allright, I have nice collegues there, and I don't mind the work, I meet people, it's not hard work, and the pay is alright... i got like this little appartment, and this car, and all this stuff... I'm happy!

Of course you are... And you're lifelong ambition was to work at that clothing store, be some random person, and lead some xerox copy life of everyone elses, right? Yeah right....

Why aren't you in some develping nation? Why aren't you building those housing projects, leading people, inspiring them to go that extra mile, do that extra bit of work, inspire them to BECOME something more than they are?

Really, just think about it and list the reason why you are not doing that... Write them down. Then look over your list again and scratch out everything that is an excuse! Hell have someone who isn't biased scratch off all the excuses if you don't trust yourself to do it.

See what you got left that are actual reason, and then see how many of those have easy, or very manageable solutions.

I will bet you my left nut, that it's very very POSSIBLE...

Maybe you'll end up with a list and you'll look over it and see that to get everything prepped, you'll need like 3-4 years of being busy with it, of putting time into it, not all your time, but just part of it (maybe you could work part time instead, and use that free time for it).

Ok 3-4 years.... TO FULFILL YOUR LIFETIME AMBITION... Wauw that's like... a really big deal huh? 3-4 years, that's like a long time... you know, as opposed to 30-40 years of doing something you DON'T really want to do, that DOESN'T really satisfy you, that doesn't get you closer to what you REALLY want to do, or to the person you REALLY want to be.

So it's possible... and still, it's not happening... So what's really stopping you?

Well... you are. You are NOT simply 'doing it'... maybe there was some point in your life where you said "I'm GOING TO do it", but then you never did, and now it's just become this fantasy, it's outside of your reality. Or maybe you're still in that phase, and you're still waiting for that time when you're 'going to' start doing it.

Well, what's wrong with now? You know what's wrong with surfing to google right now and getting some basic information, even if it's just about the culture of the country you 'might' be going to. You know, just whatever, small chunks. Any problem consist of small individual problems. Like i need to get up and run 50 miles right now. Alright well, that seems like a lot, but really all you got to do right now, is get up and put on your trainers, and your running shoes, and then you need to step outside and run down the street, and then the next street, and the street after that.

And when you do it like this, you'll see that first you're resisting, so you small chunk the problem, I'll run a little, and then I'll run a little more, and then some more... and then when you get half way, you'll feel like, you gotten too far to turn around now, and then when you get closer to your target of 50 miles, you'll be going like wauw, well, that wasn't actually THAT bad, I actually feel like i could do some more... so you do some more, walk the extra mile, and once you're past 50 it'll just be a matter of "let's see how much more i can go?!"... You already accomplished your goal, now you're just doing it cause you want to, cause it feels good, because you're in a heightened state brought on by pushing through barriers. In all likeliness you'll run 10 more miles by the time you're done.

You come home, you feel awesome! And you got it DONE.

People talk about all these 'qualities' that others have, that maybe they want to have, but can't seem to get down...

Like 'determination' and 'drive', and it's like they're these mystical qualities you know, like you need to be born with them or something.

What are those thing really? Well drive is just drive, it's just the will to do something, you alreayd have that! You want to run 50 miles, you WANT to do it, it's just that "this and that excuse". Determination... what is that? It's just doing it, it's small chunking the bigger problem, deviding it up, and then doing it, one after another.

Succes... What is it, how do you get it?

I see all these people and they're going like "I'm very succesfull"... because they have like what everyone else has. Some random job, with 'advancement oppertunities', and some random car that costs just a little bit more than you can afford, same deal on the house/app, and you got all these clothes, and your parents are still together, and you know the difference between cheap and expensive champaign, and maybe write a poem or two...

And then they go on to like... build this whole 'ego' about it... Yeah I'm quite the shyt you see, and I DESERVE this and those things, because I'm quite the shyt you see!

And then those things don't come to them... the things they really want... and they get bitter; negative, and get tantrums like "I DON'T NEED THIS... what is this shyt? I work hard, I got the stuff, I put my two cents in, what is this shyt?!"

Truth is, you didn't do anything... you knew in your head what you needed to do, and then went like "that's not for me...", and you just did something else, what everyone else is doing, cause that's where it's really at, that's realistic, that's "real life". So you wanted to build a house of cards, and went out to accomplish that by shuffling cards, and dealing them out to other people who are building houses of cards... cause that's where it's at, deal the cards, that's realistic man, that's SUCCES, that's life.

40 years later and you're still dealing cards, and you're thinking "where's MY hous eof cards?! Where is it? I did all the things, followed all the steps, now where IS IT?! Gimmy! I DESERVE IT"

Where is it? You gave up on it. You had your deck of cards, ready to build, but you just started dealing them around instead, cause that was easy, that was what you could do right off the bat.

So how do you make it happen?

How do you go from, this niche little world... this prefabricated reality that nearly everyone is living in, to actually doing that stuff you feel you need to do... you know like, that stuff where you go "wouldn't it be awesome if...." and then finish that line "Yeah, haha, a person can dream right?".

How do you do it?

Well you do it, one step at a time, and you're either DOING IT, or it's just not going to happen... if you're 'going to' do it, then you aren't doing it, and it's not going to happen. If you're 'doing something else first', something totally unrelated, then you're not doing it, and it's not going to happen.

This is just basic logic. If you want the breadcrumbs off the table, then you whipe them off... There's no alternative for it. They wont disappear, they wont go away by doing it 'later', they're just going to stay there until you whipe them off. If you never whipe them off then you eat at a filthy table for the rest of your life.

And you feel that's ok, you know, not the end of the world, it's a filthy table... but every time you eat at it, it's going to nagg at you... ugh this table is filthy, I 'should' clean it...


Well since this is a relationship forum... Let's use a practicle relationships example.

Let's of people out there are lonely, for whatever reason, they suck at dating, they suck at interacting with the opposite sex, or they constantly end up in 'bad' relationships.

Bad luck?

Not sure If i'm ready to start believeing in luck, good or bad. It's a problem none the less, and there's really only two things you can do...

A) you decide it's 'fine', leave things as they are, hope for the future, and slowly turn bitter and resentful until you've ruined all chances, and lost all hope and just 'give up'.

B) You work the problem, you walk the steps, you learn the process, and progress to ultimately where you want to be.... In bed, or at the fire place with your lovely partner, or your latest ONS, or whatever.

What does working the problem mean?

It means learning something you didn't previously have capability in. It means getting 'good' at something you were 'bad' at. Ok, very simple, like swimming, driving a car, handling money, learning how to add, substract, multiply and devide... learning how to WALK. Remember you didn't know how to do all these things at some point and you learned them anyways. It's nothing new, it's just different.

It means that you're going to have to get out there, and practice. Read a few books maybe, get informed, and then practice. Guys, get out there approach women, learn what makes them tick, do it over and over, until it comes naturally to you. You walk into a shop, there's a cute little store clerk and the next thing you know, you got a date when she gets off, or you got her number, and you didn't even TRY, it just happened. That's where you want to be at when you want to 'solve' this problem. Girls, pretty much the same deal, you get out there, and you meet men, learn how they work, what makes them tick... do it until you're just standing there, in a store, doing your days work, and some guys comes up to you and start talking and walks off with your number or asks you out on a date.

Ok the dynamics are somewhat different, but on the overall it's the same problem in a slightly different dress. Women, learn how to 'be attractive', and men learn how to 'attract'... ok action and reaction.

Being afraid of your own potency...

See this is something a lot of people have, and probably aren't even aware of it. We think that we're afraid to fail, that we're afraid we wont be able to 'hack it', that we'll try something and it will blow up in our faces... But what we're mostly afraid of, is that it will WORK...

This is something I see a lot in guys. They want to get better with women, so they go through the steps, they get some advice, they get informed, and then they 'try it'... but they're really expecting things to 'go bad'... and then it actually works at some point, and boom, they IMIDIATLY screw it up...

Why? They knew what to do, but they bailed out because they couldn't handle the 'pressure'... What pressure? ITS WORKING GO GO GO. But they don't, they need to bail out for some reason. Why? They're afraid of their own potency, of their succes.

They'll walk upto some girl they don't actually believe they could have a chance with, and she goes like "Awww you're SO cute, I'm gonna make out with you"... boom, and it's ON... and then they just 'freeze up'. You know, they DON'T take her out of there, they DON'T take her home... they just 'stop', they break it off, and they go like "Uh, uhm yeah, so you want a drink or something?". Of course, they go get a drink, the girl is GONE, you know, some other dude took her home because really she was there to hook up, not to bullshyt around.

Or some guy will get an awesome business deal, way over what he's used to, million dollar deal... and he'll start freaking out. What if i screw this up? OMG that would be horrible, Am i really really ready for this? This is unlike anything I've ever done before!! Before you know it they start pulling out of it, they start pulling up walls, planning for every contingiency, freeze up, refuse to take even the slightest risk... And that deal just goes to someone else.

I seen this happen, and I'll go like "Why didn't you take the deal, why didn't you go for it"... and they'll be like "awww I dno it's just that what if, this and that, you know things can go wrong here and there"... Yeah well they ALWAYS CAN. You give some kind 5 bucks to go fetch you a newpaper and he takes off, yeah it can happen... this is always a factor 24/7. What if? Wtf? What if someone chopped off your penis and tossed it out the window of a moving train?!

Fear of your own potential, of your own power...

Because human beings, have a lot of power.

You might decide today that you're going to go live in another country, like the bahama's, so you get a plane ticket, and tomorrow you might actually be there... NOW WHAT?! You did it, you're there... step one *completed*... NOW WHAT?!

Most people when they get an idea like this... they stop right there, at the "now what?", and they forget about it, don't even try... crackpipe dream, let it go... back to the office!

Unplug, and think... use your brain. What's REALLY stopping you? Is it that it's impossible? Or is it that you FEAR taking any number of the steps involved? And what is it that you REALLY fear?

Over half a decade ago, I asked myself this question, because there were things I wanted. I was in a situation that was... 'bad'... and i wanted out of it, but everywhere I looked, all 'possible' solutions seemed to suggest that this bad situation was all there was.

It was gnawing at my soul, every day. I wanted to get out. And then I thought... well... I've thought about everything that I seem to believe is 'possible', so what if i look at things I feel are 'impossible'. So i did, I looked at things I thought were impossible, and I saw that other <textarea name="Post" class="rte-iframe" id="ed-0_textarea" rows="10" cols="60" style="width:98%; height:250px" tabindex="5">Hey, what's been happening? I haven't written anything for a while (have a couple of things half baked). Anyway, came across this epic rant/inspiration note and thought it was worthwhile sharing.
Source: http://uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45214
[quote="The Fool"]Why is it not happening?

Ok i decided to write a little something here, not sure if it's really related to relationships, but then I'm not sure where it would best fit, so I put it here since I post most here.

So...

Everyone has things that they want, out of life, relationships, work maybe, and often times those things don't really happen, and we end up just 'settling' for something else, something 'less'. It's this nagging feeling like somehow we could be 'more', we could do more, we could be happier, more fulfilled, better.

For the longest time, and in a lot of ways still, I've looked at my life and I've always had the same conclusion... This is only a fraction of what I 'could' do. I can do more than this. I can be better at all these various things. I truly believe 100% that I can do better... and yet it's not happening, why is that?

You know, let's use some examples here...

Maybe you said at some point... you know what? I'm sick of always feeling like this little weird tension, this moment of awkwardness whenever I talk to someone I don't know. I'm sick of this little weird vibe. And maybe, it's actually not that bad, because you've worked at your job for a while now, you 'met' everyone there, so you're past that, and you've met your neighbours, and you have your social circle, so for most part you're not IN that situation much anymore, so you might say "It's fine, I'm fine"... but then there's always those situations where you need to mingle with some people you don't know, and then there's that feeling. So you might work at it for a while, and arrive at a point where you can pretty much talk to anyone, randomly, and it feels alright... so you're happy, you think, yeah i'm good, this is as far as i need to go.

But then you run into situations where the pressure is on... Maybe it's a job interview for a high profile job, or you just need to go into a bunch of people who don't necesarily want you there, and you need to make good anyways... and that's when it gets weird again, and you just feel like you've made NO PROGRESS whatsoever, you're back at where you were before you started this, and it feels defeating, because deep down nothing changed...

What did you REALLY do here?

What you did was expand your comfort zone just a 'tad'. Like when you're afraid of water, and you managed to dip your toes into the pool, or take a shower without freaking out, and you go "YEAH!!! I GOT IT! THATS IT! All done! I now no longer fear water! Right then, let's go back to staying away from water now!"... and then someone just throws you into the pool, with no life guard near, and no swimming aids, and you FREAK OUT.

Like you just went ONE STEP further, and you made it, and you went like "yeah i made it!". What you did was do the minimal amount of effort to get the smallest possible victory and then you CRAWLED BACK into your comfort zone, and just made believe that your work was done. You didn't do 'your best', you didn't 'go all the way', you just did the minimal amount of effort so you could go back to just, you know, every day life, and what you're used to. The safe place. Maybe someone even told you "this is just the beginning..." but you went like... "nah, nah that's ok, I can 'touch' water, it's fine, I don't NEED to swim, why would I? I don't even like it!"... Don't you really? Are you sure? Maybe if you were completely free of this irrational fear of water, you might actually find that you LOVE swimming, and start doing it weekly, maybe even every other day, and increase your health while you're at it... Maybe your life woul dhave been different in that way, but you'll never know... you'll always wonder... you'll never be 'complete'. Now a lot of people actually feel, deep down, "I want to swim", but they make excuses, SO MANY excuses, that they just believe 'this is good enough, I'm fine'.

But you're not, and you never will be, not until you're swimming!

What it comes down to is simply this...

MOST PEOPLE DO NOT TRULY WANT TO LIVE.

Ok that might sound weird, like everyone is suicidal or something, but the point is that most people simply want to 'get away' with living, with 'getting by', with 'good enough'.

It's like, you have all these really creative ideas in your mind, about what you could be, who you could be, what you could do, could be anything... and then you go "well.... that's for OTHER people, I could never do that! But hey, maybe I'll fantesize about it now and again, and i'll laugh about it with friends you know, like hahaha, wouldn't it be great if we could all do XYZ?! And they'll all laugh, hahahaha, yeah, it would, to bad that's completely unrealistic!"... and then some random guy walk by who actually DOES IT, you know, he doesn't think about it, isn't even aware it's ever a problem for anyone, and he just does it. Those guys who were all laughing, they see it happening and they just go like "uuuuh, yahyah, he's 'special', he's got some funky powers that no one else has... he found like a little book somewhere under an old cupboard in which pages was written 'the secret to XYZ'".... It's NOT cause we never really tried, oh no, we tried, EVERYTHIG, yes we did, we tipped our toe into the water, and it was COLD, so... yeah... we're good.

Why would you follow any of these ideas in your head you know? Maybe you want to move to some developing nation and start a housing project there, and maybe you want to be like a really good person, with all these qualities and strangth like leadership, the ability to inspire others, etc...

But then instead of doing that, you work at some random clothing store, and you're just some random person, like we've got 12 in every dozen. And you're thinking something like... yeah it's allright, I have nice collegues there, and I don't mind the work, I meet people, it's not hard work, and the pay is alright... i got like this little appartment, and this car, and all this stuff... I'm happy!

Of course you are... And you're lifelong ambition was to work at that clothing store, be some random person, and lead some xerox copy life of everyone elses, right? Yeah right....

Why aren't you in some develping nation? Why aren't you building those housing projects, leading people, inspiring them to go that extra mile, do that extra bit of work, inspire them to BECOME something more than they are?

Really, just think about it and list the reason why you are not doing that... Write them down. Then look over your list again and scratch out everything that is an excuse! Hell have someone who isn't biased scratch off all the excuses if you don't trust yourself to do it.

See what you got left that are actual reason, and then see how many of those have easy, or very manageable solutions.

I will bet you my left nut, that it's very very POSSIBLE...

Maybe you'll end up with a list and you'll look over it and see that to get everything prepped, you'll need like 3-4 years of being busy with it, of putting time into it, not all your time, but just part of it (maybe you could work part time instead, and use that free time for it).

Ok 3-4 years.... TO FULFILL YOUR LIFETIME AMBITION... Wauw that's like... a really big deal huh? 3-4 years, that's like a long time... you know, as opposed to 30-40 years of doing something you DON'T really want to do, that DOESN'T really satisfy you, that doesn't get you closer to what you REALLY want to do, or to the person you REALLY want to be.

So it's possible... and still, it's not happening... So what's really stopping you?

Well... you are. You are NOT simply 'doing it'... maybe there was some point in your life where you said "I'm GOING TO do it", but then you never did, and now it's just become this fantasy, it's outside of your reality. Or maybe you're still in that phase, and you're still waiting for that time when you're 'going to' start doing it.

Well, what's wrong with now? You know what's wrong with surfing to google right now and getting some basic information, even if it's just about the culture of the country you 'might' be going to. You know, just whatever, small chunks. Any problem consist of small individual problems. Like i need to get up and run 50 miles right now. Alright well, that seems like a lot, but really all you got to do right now, is get up and put on your trainers, and your running shoes, and then you need to step outside and run down the street, and then the next street, and the street after that.

And when you do it like this, you'll see that first you're resisting, so you small chunk the problem, I'll run a little, and then I'll run a little more, and then some more... and then when you get half way, you'll feel like, you gotten too far to turn around now, and then when you get closer to your target of 50 miles, you'll be going like wauw, well, that wasn't actually THAT bad, I actually feel like i could do some more... so you do some more, walk the extra mile, and once you're past 50 it'll just be a matter of "let's see how much more i can go?!"... You already accomplished your goal, now you're just doing it cause you want to, cause it feels good, because you're in a heightened state brought on by pushing through barriers. In all likeliness you'll run 10 more miles by the time you're done.

You come home, you feel awesome! And you got it DONE.

People talk about all these 'qualities' that others have, that maybe they want to have, but can't seem to get down...

Like 'determination' and 'drive', and it's like they're these mystical qualities you know, like you need to be born with them or something.

What are those thing really? Well drive is just drive, it's just the will to do something, you alreayd have that! You want to run 50 miles, you WANT to do it, it's just that "this and that excuse". Determination... what is that? It's just doing it, it's small chunking the bigger problem, deviding it up, and then doing it, one after another.

Succes... What is it, how do you get it?

I see all these people and they're going like "I'm very succesfull"... because they have like what everyone else has. Some random job, with 'advancement oppertunities', and some random car that costs just a little bit more than you can afford, same deal on the house/app, and you got all these clothes, and your parents are still together, and you know the difference between cheap and expensive champaign, and maybe write a poem or two...

And then they go on to like... build this whole 'ego' about it... Yeah I'm quite the shyt you see, and I DESERVE this and those things, because I'm quite the shyt you see!

And then those things don't come to them... the things they really want... and they get bitter; negative, and get tantrums like "I DON'T NEED THIS... what is this shyt? I work hard, I got the stuff, I put my two cents in, what is this shyt?!"

Truth is, you didn't do anything... you knew in your head what you needed to do, and then went like "that's not for me...", and you just did something else, what everyone else is doing, cause that's where it's really at, that's realistic, that's "real life". So you wanted to build a house of cards, and went out to accomplish that by shuffling cards, and dealing them out to other people who are building houses of cards... cause that's where it's at, deal the cards, that's realistic man, that's SUCCES, that's life.

40 years later and you're still dealing cards, and you're thinking "where's MY hous eof cards?! Where is it? I did all the things, followed all the steps, now where IS IT?! Gimmy! I DESERVE IT"

Where is it? You gave up on it. You had your deck of cards, ready to build, but you just started dealing them around instead, cause that was easy, that was what you could do right off the bat.

So how do you make it happen?

How do you go from, this niche little world... this prefabricated reality that nearly everyone is living in, to actually doing that stuff you feel you need to do... you know like, that stuff where you go "wouldn't it be awesome if...." and then finish that line "Yeah, haha, a person can dream right?".

How do you do it?

Well you do it, one step at a time, and you're either DOING IT, or it's just not going to happen... if you're 'going to' do it, then you aren't doing it, and it's not going to happen. If you're 'doing something else first', something totally unrelated, then you're not doing it, and it's not going to happen.

This is just basic logic. If you want the breadcrumbs off the table, then you whipe them off... There's no alternative for it. They wont disappear, they wont go away by doing it 'later', they're just going to stay there until you whipe them off. If you never whipe them off then you eat at a filthy table for the rest of your life.

And you feel that's ok, you know, not the end of the world, it's a filthy table... but every time you eat at it, it's going to nagg at you... ugh this table is filthy, I 'should' clean it...


Well since this is a relationship forum... Let's use a practicle relationships example.

Let's of people out there are lonely, for whatever reason, they suck at dating, they suck at interacting with the opposite sex, or they constantly end up in 'bad' relationships.

Bad luck?

Not sure If i'm ready to start believeing in luck, good or bad. It's a problem none the less, and there's really only two things you can do...

A) you decide it's 'fine', leave things as they are, hope for the future, and slowly turn bitter and resentful until you've ruined all chances, and lost all hope and just 'give up'.

B) You work the problem, you walk the steps, you learn the process, and progress to ultimately where you want to be.... In bed, or at the fire place with your lovely partner, or your latest ONS, or whatever.

What does working the problem mean?

It means learning something you didn't previously have capability in. It means getting 'good' at something you were 'bad' at. Ok, very simple, like swimming, driving a car, handling money, learning how to add, substract, multiply and devide... learning how to WALK. Remember you didn't know how to do all these things at some point and you learned them anyways. It's nothing new, it's just different.

It means that you're going to have to get out there, and practice. Read a few books maybe, get informed, and then practice. Guys, get out there approach women, learn what makes them tick, do it over and over, until it comes naturally to you. You walk into a shop, there's a cute little store clerk and the next thing you know, you got a date when she gets off, or you got her number, and you didn't even TRY, it just happened. That's where you want to be at when you want to 'solve' this problem. Girls, pretty much the same deal, you get out there, and you meet men, learn how they work, what makes them tick... do it until you're just standing there, in a store, doing your days work, and some guys comes up to you and start talking and walks off with your number or asks you out on a date.

Ok the dynamics are somewhat different, but on the overall it's the same problem in a slightly different dress. Women, learn how to 'be attractive', and men learn how to 'attract'... ok action and reaction.

Being afraid of your own potency...

See this is something a lot of people have, and probably aren't even aware of it. We think that we're afraid to fail, that we're afraid we wont be able to 'hack it', that we'll try something and it will blow up in our faces... But what we're mostly afraid of, is that it will WORK...

This is something I see a lot in guys. They want to get better with women, so they go through the steps, they get some advice, they get informed, and then they 'try it'... but they're really expecting things to 'go bad'... and then it actually works at some point, and boom, they IMIDIATLY screw it up...

Why? They knew what to do, but they bailed out because they couldn't handle the 'pressure'... What pressure? ITS WORKING GO GO GO. But they don't, they need to bail out for some reason. Why? They're afraid of their own potency, of their succes.

They'll walk upto some girl they don't actually believe they could have a chance with, and she goes like "Awww you're SO cute, I'm gonna make out with you"... boom, and it's ON... and then they just 'freeze up'. You know, they DON'T take her out of there, they DON'T take her home... they just 'stop', they break it off, and they go like "Uh, uhm yeah, so you want a drink or something?". Of course, they go get a drink, the girl is GONE, you know, some other dude took her home because really she was there to hook up, not to bullshyt around.

Or some guy will get an awesome business deal, way over what he's used to, million dollar deal... and he'll start freaking out. What if i screw this up? OMG that would be horrible, Am i really really ready for this? This is unlike anything I've ever done before!! Before you know it they start pulling out of it, they start pulling up walls, planning for every contingiency, freeze up, refuse to take even the slightest risk... And that deal just goes to someone else.

I seen this happen, and I'll go like "Why didn't you take the deal, why didn't you go for it"... and they'll be like "awww I dno it's just that what if, this and that, you know things can go wrong here and there"... Yeah well they ALWAYS CAN. You give some kind 5 bucks to go fetch you a newpaper and he takes off, yeah it can happen... this is always a factor 24/7. What if? Wtf? What if someone chopped off your penis and tossed it out the window of a moving train?!

Fear of your own potential, of your own power...

Because human beings, have a lot of power.

You might decide today that you're going to go live in another country, like the bahama's, so you get a plane ticket, and tomorrow you might actually be there... NOW WHAT?! You did it, you're there... step one *completed*... NOW WHAT?!

Most people when they get an idea like this... they stop right there, at the "now what?", and they forget about it, don't even try... crackpipe dream, let it go... back to the office!

Unplug, and think... use your brain. What's REALLY stopping you? Is it that it's impossible? Or is it that you FEAR taking any number of the steps involved? And what is it that you REALLY fear?

Over half a decade ago, I asked myself this question, because there were things I wanted. I was in a situation that was... 'bad'... and i wanted out of it, but everywhere I looked, all 'possible' solutions seemed to suggest that this bad situation was all there was.

It was gnawing at my soul, every day. I wanted to get out. And then I thought... well... I've thought about everything that I seem to believe is 'possible', so what if i look at things I feel are 'impossible'. So i did, I looked at things I thought were impossible, and I saw that other people are DOING it, so it's impossible. The problem changed to 'impossible for me'... And then i thought about that some more... really, why? Why is this impossible 'for me'.

I summed it up. I'm not smart enough, I don't have a lead in, don't have a helping hand, I don't have the knowledge required. So i thought about all those things like... knowledge means learning, i can learn, there's books and seminars and training courses. It's just a matter of time. And I know I'm 'physically' smart enough because I got myself tested and I should absolutely be able to figure this out, this is absolutely not where the problem is...

I just kept going, what is the real problem?

Eventually I arrived at only one thing. I had stripped away ALL possibilities, until I had only one left. I remembered a suote by Doyle... "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"... The unlikely but, ultimately only remaining scenario was that I was personally sabotaging my every effort.

So I stopped doing that, I knew I had to come at this with an open mind, and work methodically because I couldn't rely on my intuition, since it was leading me astray.

Then I just started doing it, paying attention to what's 'real' and what's a construct of my own mind along the way. The whole story is too long to write here (I tried, it was insanely long), so I wont bother... and just say what I 'got' out of it...

One thing really, and it's something that I don't think a lot of people can relate to, not really.

Just knowing what it truly means to feel like a rock star... king of the world, master of the universe. You point at something and grunt 'mine', next thing that happens is you go and get it.

You see, i can say this, but yeah it's just words... what does it mean? Unless you've been there, and felt it, then you don't know.

I could use examples like... Walk into a club, and there's like a celebrity there, smoking hot, ok, like there's 300000 guys sitting in front of the tele right now jerking off over her. Ok well you're in that club, sitting there and you just know it, feel it in your gut... You could date her, no problem, you could walk up, have a conversation, sweep her up. You just know it, No doubt in your mind. And heck, maybe you'll do it... try it on for size you know? Why the hell not.

I mean really, stop for a second, and picture yourself in this nightclub, sitting at the bar. Maybe with a buddy, having a drink, like a vodka tonic or something, you've been there for a while, just chatting... Now this celeb walks in, totally hot, she's got her own entourage of little gimps with her you know, like they usually do in public, and your buddy makes a comment like "shmooking!", and you're like... well yeah... what are you like right now? Does it even cross your mind to go and talk to her, to even try? Do you even think you stand a chance?

See, this is just something that is SO FAR outside of most peoples reality, it just doesn't resgister, it always comes back down to the "X factor"... those people have an X-factor, all mysterious and mystical, they were born with it, that's why they can do all this amazing stuff... While it's really just trying hard, working the steps, and just making it happens on a daily basis.

---- end ---

[LandaXe]

tl;dr

how u doin shifty?

[Koolan]

that was large, and im pretty sure it repeated itself a couple of times for some reason.

[Lollercoaster]

Repeated 4 times?